If I am attracted to the same-sex, am I gay?

I remember over ten years ago having this conversation with some of my friends.   If you have some form of sexual relations with a person of the same-sex, but you believe  they are the opposite sex, does that make you gay?  Shouldn't intent be part of the category? For example, I let a women give me a blow-job, then discover that the woman was a man.  This doesn't make me gay, my attraction to women has not changed, but I can no longer play any drinking games that involve "truth" statements.

Then, there is the "prison clause" of being gay.  I have often heard that it is "acceptable" to be with the same sex if you are in prison because a "person has their needs."  This statement is a complete crock of shit if you ask me.  I am not judging, but either you are attracted to the same sex or your not.  I don't think that the prison clause makes you gay, fucking another man makes you gay! So you are just utilizing the people close to you?  Then you are a user.  I mean, alright, maybe it doesn't make you gay to fuck another man, but it means you participated in homosexual relations.

Participating in homosexual relations doesn't make you gay.    Just like participating in heterosexual relations doesn't mean you aren't gay.  It goes both ways, sorry for the pun.  An old friend once said that perhaps we should view homosexuality on a continuum not a "one or the other."  I can appreciate looking at someone of the same sex that is attractive.  I may even enjoy a fantasy, once in awhile that involves the same-sex.  But that doesn't make me a homosexual.  It does mean I am more Open than the homophobic (who I believe has blazing homosexual tendencies waiting to burst).  On a homosexual spectrum of Black to Purple (out of closet homosexual) I am somewhere in the middle.  Perhaps Red, I don't plan on touching the same-sex sexually or lusting after the same-sex, but an erotic novel, movie, or nasty talk with my partner about same-sex doesn't send me running for gun.

I also believe in this spectrum, because I have friends who have done some experimenting, from kissing to threesomes, to twosomes but that is not their partner of choice.  They aren't bi-sexual, just a little freaky!!
But try having this conversation in everyday America, someone listening or walking by will say WTF?